​7th & 8th Graders
312 weeks until graduation . . .
 
What’s this phase all about? 
Ah, middle school. Somewhere in the world you might find a few random middle-schoolers who are graceful, confident, unembarrassed by their parents, and totally sure of their ability to conquer the adolescence years. However, the majority of them are rather awkwardly navigating a world that’s totally new to them. Big feet, braces, and body odor are just a few of the physical changes they’re undergoing. Social changes might be even more dramatic. Hormones, new cliques, and first crushes turn a previously undramatic social dynamic upside down.  And, emotionally? Second toddlerhood, anyone? Cry, laugh, yell, giggle, cry, giggle harder, cry louder, slam door, snuggle in your lap. You can never be certain what they’re feeling because they’re never certain. Middle school is sometimes like a second dip into toddlerhood (especially if you have that kiddo who is determined to disagree with everything just to prove they can.)

​6th Graders
364 weeks until graduation . . .
 
What’s this phase all about? 
Who knows? Ok, not really, but 6th grade seems to be trapped in an endless identity crisis. School districts can’t even agree on whether it belongs in elementary or middle school. And, many 6th graders are just as unclear on things. Physically, mentally, and emotionally they are caught between two worlds. There is more diversity among this age group than any other. Some 6th graders are physically maturing, while others are still a couple of years away from any hints of puberty. Some are still playing with toys on a regular basis, and other are putting on makeup and talking about boyfriends. Some have a fairly stable, easy-going personality, but many of them are going back-and-forth between personas with alarming interchangeability!  Although it might be exasperating to you, remember it is probably just as frustrating to them (and they don’t have the maturity to deal with it.)

​4th & 5th Graders
468 weeks until graduation . . .
 
What’s this phase all about? 
Friends, friends, and more friends. 4th & 5th graders are beginning their quest to find their place in the world. Sorry, Mom, but peer approval is beginning to matter more than yours. This is especially true for girls. You may think that dress is really cute, but if her best friend said that style is for little kids, good luck talking her into wearing it! This is the age where ability begins to matter more than enthusiasm when it comes to team sports, dance class, or drama club. Kids begin to gravitate toward kids with common interest and cliques begin to form. Maybe for the first time, your 4th or 5th grader will feel significantly different or even left out.  

​2nd & 3rd Grades
572 weeks until graduation . . .
 
What’s this phase all about?
Fairness and rules! “That’s not fair!” is the battle cry of this group.  Although still primarily concrete thinkers, 2nd & 3rd graders are beginning to understand some abstracts. Many are now aware enough to understand for the first time that the world isn’t fair – some kids aren’t good at sports, some kids don’t have enough food to eat, some kids don’t have any friends – but they’re still innocent enough to believe it could be fair if people would just follow the rules. However, some kids this age are notorious for demanding that everyone else follow the rules while forgetting that the rules also apply to them!

​Kindergarten & 1st Grade
676 weeks until graduation . . .
 
What’s this phase all about?
Kindergarten here we come! More than a few parents get misty-eyed on that first day. This milestone signals that your baby really is growing up. With kindergarten comes the need for routines. If you haven’t already, you’ll need to begin structured bedtimes and wake-up times. Many kindergarteners will have a few minutes of homework that needs to become part of a nightly routine. Children, even free-spirits, thrive on structure and routine during this phase. Matter of fact, you may notice disruptions to the routine cause problems. All three of our children struggled on Thursday afternoons and evenings as kindergarteners (one even through 1st grade). Meltdowns were prevalent. We realized it was because we were out later on Wednesday nights with church commitments that were a disruption to our normal bedtime routine. We learned how to approach Thursdays in a way that minimized the effects of our later evening, but we also learned to be prepared to be extra patient!

​Preschool (3-4 years)
780 weeks until graduation . . .
 
What’s this phase all about?
Although there may still be a lot of emphasis on potty-training and continued physical independence, the preschool phase is full of mental and emotional growth. Preschoolers are beginning to figure out the world around them. Their verbal skills are taking off, and many are replacing tantrums with a continual barrage of, “Why?”. When you give an answer, your preschooler will probably respond to that with another, “Why?”. Close behind “Why?” follow “Where?”, “When?”, “Who?”, and “How?”. Some days your child may resemble a Pulitzer-winning, investigative journalist more than a preschooler!

​Toddlerhood (12-36 months)
884 weeks until graduation . . .
 
What’s this phase all about?
In the beginning, your baby is still very much a baby. Be ready, though. That won’t last much longer. Soon his nonsense babble will give way to actual words. If she hasn’t already, she’ll take that first step soon and babyproofing will take on a whole new meaning. During this phase, many toddlers find a new favorite word, “No!” She’ll be quick to let you know she can, “Do it myself!” Budding independence may lead to frequent tantrums and meltdowns. Your patience will be tested multiple times over as you wait for her to dress or feed herself (and clean up the ensuing mess). You’ll find that these are the years when his physical ability to get into dangerous situations far outweighs his mental ability to recognize danger. You can’t take your eyes off of him during this phase. And, somewhere in all of this, most parents begin potty-training! 

​Infancy (0-12 months)
936 weeks until graduation . . .
 
What’s this phase all about?
Sleeping, eating, sleeping, pooping, sleeping, crying . . . you get it. The main goal of parents in this phase it to get baby to sleep through the night. Honestly, sometimes the physical demands are so great and the amount of sleep so small during this phase that brains become mush and not falling asleep while changing a diaper becomes the main goal. This may be the phase when you most need sleep, but this is also the phase when your child needs you more than they ever will again. They are totally helpless without you.

​It's Just a Phase, Don't Miss It!How many times have you thought, “It’s just a phase!” or, maybe, “Please, let this just be a phase!”? Maybe your infant thinks 3:00am is great mommy-me time. Or, your preschooler asks “Why?” so many times your brain hurts. Maybe, your nine-year-old son tells so many groan-worthy jokes you could publish your own joke book. Or, your middle-school daughter rolls her eyes so often you wonder if it really is possible for them to get stuck!
 
We tend to talk about phases negatively, as if they’re something we hope to get through as quickly as possible. However, in their book, It’s Just a Phase So Don’t Miss It, Reggie Joiner and Kristen Ivy define a phase this way:
 
Phase: A timeframe in a kid’s life when you can leverage 
distinctive opportunities to influence their future.
 
Each phase has its own significant relationships, present realities, and distinctive opportunities. Let me encourage you to begin to think about phases positively. Picture how you can leverage each of the above phases to influence your child.

• When you’re up in the middle of the night, take time to pray over your child. Tell Bible stories or remind them of the big truths of Scripture (God made them, God loves them, God can do anything, etc.) This works while you’re sitting in the bathroom during that all-consuming potty-training phase, too!
• Be thankful your preschooler actually wants your opinion. That won’t always be the case! Use your many conversations to pass along your beliefs and worldviews in an age appropriate way. Leverage that inquisitiveness!
• Applaud your joke-telling nine-year-old for having a big heart that likes to make people laugh. Brainstorm together about other ways he can use his big heart to make people smile and show them Jesus.
• And the eye-roller? Step back and determine what’s really up with her. Maybe she doesn’t feel heard. Maybe she thinks you’re out-of-touch with reality. Maybe she just wants her own way. Certainly respond appropriately when disrespect is involved, but don’t forget she’s still yours to influence. Sometime, when she’s not rolling her eyes, take her out for a coffee date (just the two of you). Discuss her hopes and dreams for the future. Gently remind her that the way she treats people, including her family, will have a huge impact on her future and her witness for Christ. Your focused attention will matter, even if she doesn’t act like it.

 
They typical child has around 936 weeks between birth and high school graduation. That’s a lot of phases! My oldest child started college this year. Let me assure you the days (or phases) may seem long, but the years really do go by way too fast. I am going to begin a series of posts covering different phases in your child’s life (birth-18) and how you can leverage those phases to influence your child and their walk with Christ. Stay tuned!
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